Studies show people today have more positive experiences in life than negative. Yet, when we encounter a negative experience, our stress level rockets and unhappiness can seep in for what feels like an eternity, making us feel totally lost and alone.
Whether it's a death, breakup, job loss, or financial struggle, everyone feels and processes hardship in different ways. It also doesn’t always come in the form of a single event; it can be a period of time—like a season.
Just like the weather, your life has seasons of Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall. Now, these seasons don’t actually follow weather patterns; you can experience them at any time throughout life or all four in a year.
During Fall and Winter, things are changing, and there is a shedding and dying off when it comes to parts of yourself. You might experience one or multiple events of hardship—maybe you battle health issues, loss of a friend, or loss of yourself. Our world is currently experiencing a season of Winter with navigating the waves made by COVD-19. We have more time to sit with ourselves in uncertainty and fear that the media is dishing by the hour. The office is now our home and for some, like myself, work has temporarily been halted. This Winter season is a time of hardship where diving in and asking not why is this happening, but for what? For example, I was furloughed from my job during this time and instead of fixating on that, I looked deeper to see what this time was supposed to show me. Through this introspection, I learned I needed to slow down, recenter, get back to my roots of being creative, and focus on my passion for health.
The good news is, Winter doesn’t last forever. Some factors, like a global pandemic, are largely out of our control, but on a personal level we have the power to transition from Winter into a more productive season. Ultimately it boils down to how long you allow yourself to sit in the emotions of this season. People can keep themselves in Winter by suppressing their feelings only for them to come up again later, or by holding on to the past, allowing low vibe feelings of shame, guilt, and regret to be in control.
After the Winter come Spring and Summer, an epic time of alchemy for people. They are seasons for waking up, feeling shifts in beliefs, and implementing the lessons and realizations uncovered during the hardship of Winter.
The one big mistake we make is thinking that because we’re feeling good in Spring and Summer we don’t need to work on ourselves. The key to overcoming any hardship throughout life is to do the inner personal work during the good seasons to be mentally prepared for when Fall and Winter arrive.
What’s the work I’m talking about? It’s an ongoing process of learning and unlearning. Diving inward to reevaluate your beliefs. It’s simply making the time to get to know yourself daily. This can be done through journaling, books, classes, workshops, podcasts, being physically active… whatever challenges your growth and makes you feel at your highest.
Now, I’m not saying to prepare for hardship out of fear or stress. We should be grateful for hardship, because we need all the seasons in our life. It creates balance, and discomfort is what expands you. Hardship doesn’t have to make you harder, it can make you softer, more empathetic, and kinder to yourself and others. Without these stressors, unfair situations, and not-so-stellar people in our paths, we would never evolve into the epically powerful humans we are meant to be.
By embracing hard seasons of life, you change the outcome, but by resisting, you don’t allow for change and growth.
My first big Winter came during an age when I didn’t know much about life or myself. I was 22 just finishing college, staring off into the real world when my sense of identity was shattered into a million tiny shards of glass.
I had spent the last five years giving my heart and soul to the first real love I had known. We had been friends for a year before it grew into what I still consider to be the most powerful soul-connecting relationship I have experienced. We were very young, 17 to be exact, and both thought it was us forever. He gave me a promise ring in college, and we talked of marriage, how we would parent our kids, the whole nine yards. I poured myself into that relationship, building my identity in it, with him.
By the time I graduated, we had reached that point when you either continue to grow together into adulthood or take a new path, and that summer he chose a path without me.
Words can’t describe the debilitating pain that washed over me when it ended. At the time I was blinded by emotion, wearing my rose-colored glasses as I replayed the relationship in my head. How could he let me go? He was part of my being, I thought, when in reality, we were different people and I didn’t want to see it.
On top of my heartbreak, I was in the process of interviewing for my first real post-grad job. The night before the interview, I laid in bed, staring at the wall and feeling nothing but a gaping hole of empty space and heaviness. In the morning, I cried in the car as I drove to my interview, where I threw my all into faking an upbeat energy, like I was an eager college grad ready to do whatever and not a broken husk of the person I was before the breakup. When the interview ended, I cried the whole way home, then crawled right back into bed.
If you’re wondering whether I got the job, I did. It was one of the only moments I was able to reflect on my abilities and personality, I was still there, deep down. But this heavy emotional period lasted way longer than it needed to. Even as I started my new life in Dallas with a new job, I made the mistake of sitting in this low energy for two long years, until one day I awoke to find that Spring had finally come. I was journaling daily about the heartbreak, writing about the ups and downs of trying to date and needing a drink to even get me out the door. I finally realized I had to let go of this new comfort I had of sitting in pain, of allowing triggers to set me back into overthinking. I had to let go of that girl and identity I felt was so deeply embedded in that relationship. It was from this point I truly began to push aside my fear of being alone and faced myself dead on, ready to stop hiding from who I was on my own.
When I cleared this energy I became grateful for that time, and before I knew it, Spring became Summer. Life since that period has been above and beyond what my 22 year old self could have ever dreamt of. I completely uprooted my life and moved to beautiful San Diego, where I have experienced so many seasons of life on my own. I’ve become a yes girl who takes risks without hesitation. I jumped careers from the tech industry to wine, and tackled my fear of traveling in Europe solo. Even more, I have taken the last seven years since that breakup of work on self development and health, turning it into a business.
If that relationship hadn’t ended, my world would have been so different. I wouldn’t have lost myself and had the time to become my own best friend, to figure out what my beliefs and dreams were for myself. I will always love and respect my ex for doing what felt right—it was courageous and I am grateful he followed his own inner guidance.
The massive game changer for me was when I stopped playing the victim and leaned in and grabbed the lesson for why it ended with a sense of gratitude. I spent a lot of time after that first heartbreak venting and sitting in the comfortable emotions of placing blame elsewhere. Once I owned up to my reactions, peace found its way to me. I learned to accept that everything is happening for me, not to me, and that knowledge has grounded me during any kind of hardship or situation I have faced since.
This newfound mindset didn’t happen overnight. It has taken years of inner work and coaching to honestly say I feel excited when I struggle. Where before I saw an obstacle, I now see an opportunity. I welcome it with a grateful, loving heart so I can get to work on uncovering a lesson of self discovery, and then release it with the same energy. I have come to crave doing the inner work during every season. It has allowed me to stay in tune with myself and flow through the ups and downs a lot more smoothly.
Three Ways to Transform Hardship Into Healing
Feel It to Heal It
Allow yourself to feel what comes up. Fear, sadness, stress, anxiety, pain, rejection, self-doubt, and anger can all be debilitating feelings to carry. It’s important not to judge or try to kick them to the curb just because it's uncomfortable. When you get comfortable being uncomfortable, you will be better aligned to process what's going on and start shifting into a higher vibe. It’s known but worthy to mention that time plays a part in this step. It’s vital to be patient with yourself, but be careful of sitting in this energy too long.
One little tip that helps me is to think of the word flow, meaning everything in and out, like your breath. You’re not holding on to the bad or good feelings and emotions but rather letting them flow in and out of you.
By trying to practice this concept, I’ve found fewer of my problems stick to me and I can allow myself to shift and adapt to whatever comes in better.
Gratitude Is an Attitude
Gratitude is one of the quickest ways to bring yourself to the present moment. By shifting your mindset and thanking what has come into your life instead of cursing it, you are able to reflect on your circumstances and find meaningful lessons you can act on.
One mantra I like to use here is, “This is happening for me, not to me.”
Have trust in knowing life has been beautifully designed by a higher power for you. This can help you ease that tight grip and need for control, allowing you to surrender to what is trying to be called into your life.
Let Go
Letting go is the most courageous way of opening yourself up after a hard time. Hanging on to negative thought patterns or energy will make you powerless and needy, but truly letting go and utilizing this step will allow you to make space for healing and transformation.
Lovingly thank Winter for entering your life, making you more self-aware and elegant in your approach to life and then let it go.
Take comfort in knowing that some of the most joyful and beautiful minded people in the world have experienced the most pain and struggle in their lives. It is because of those struggles that people make the best healers, so maybe those that can’t see you were sent to help you see yourself. There’s a good chance you were sent here to help hold space for someone else, too.
With Love,
Sarah
